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MOTHER'S DAY WITHOUT MOM

i’ve never been big on Hallmark holidays, but my first Mother’s Day without her was rough. first the anticipation — the reminders at every store, in every ad, on every channel — of how many amazing mothers were still here to be celebrated. of how many daughters and sons wouldn't have to face the next 30 years without them. reminders of how many people had already enjoyed theirs for far longer than my short 20 years. of how I was robbed.

the day itself? it was awkward. do I acknowledge it? try to honor her? start a new tradition? pretend it’s not happening? do I pour over the countless social media tributes and just let it — the aching, the sadness, the bitterness, the self-pity — consume me?

i did the latter, for a while. and that’s ok. there’s no right way — sometimes you have to just feel it.

my grandfather once told me “life is for the living.” it took many years for this to ring true for me, but of course he is right. i still don’t care about commercial holidays, but there are a lot of amazing mothers in my life I do care about who deserve to be celebrated on this day and every day. so we celebrate.
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